I’m so excited to share with you this episode because the feeling that you are “giving away for free” your expertise comes up often, especially with multipotentialite entrepreneurs looking to create unique offers.
Recently, one of my clients came to me with a dilemma: she felt like she was being taken advantage of in a new business endeavor. We brought it into our NCLg group mentoring call (part of Flourishing Sprouts), and instantly witnessed the choral voices of indignation and frustration.
After copious venting, I introduced the plant perspective. This is based on the concept that we all have some level of plantness at our core, therefore what happens when we activate this aspect of ourselves. Rather than seeing others as seeing others as threats or competitors, it opened the discussion to potential allies and collaborators.
In this episode, explore this shift in logic, and how it allows us to approach a situation not from a place of fear or scarcity, but from a place of curious creativity. We can look for ways to make any deal mutually beneficial, not only in terms of money, but also in terms of values, goals, and vision. I hope this reminds you to embrace your plantness and apply it to your own situations.
Topics Covered about not giving away for free
- Mutually Beneficial relationships
- Shifting your point of view
- Seeing situations through your plantness
- Not getting caught in the scarcity model
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TRANSCRIPT OF NOT GIVING ANYTHING AWAY FOR FREE ANYMORE
Welcome to ReConnect with Plant Wisdom. I am your host, Tigrilla Gardenia, Nature-Inspired Mentor and Leadership Coach. In this podcast, I share ancient and modern knowledge, from biology to spirituality, about the wondrous ways plants can help you lead a Naturally Conscious Life.
Welcome to Episode 32. How are you doing today? Hopefully you’re doing super well day night, whatever it is for you as you’re listening to this or watching this. Today we’re going to be talking about not giving anything away for free anymore.
Yep, I’m not talking about me, by the way. So what we’re talking about today we’re talking about a conversation that happened in the naturally conscious leadership group. As you know, the naturally conscious leadership group is connected to former and current mentorship clients and this is the place where we have our group mentorship discussion, which is really the most high level of all of our conversations relating to how to really apply all of this nature inspired logic and all of our conversations with plants how to really bring everything that we experience in our mentorship and everything in the national conscious community and everything that you’re learning into practical daily life. And here, not only do you have the opportunity to be mentored directly with me, you have the entire group to support you through the process and to really explore these topics. So the other day, one of our members came and she had a conundrum she wanted to talk about. And it was it was really fun in a lot of ways because it was a conversation that I think you couldn’t have predicted. I mean, I think you would have tried to predict it in a specific way. And where we ended up was in true plant fashion, like really just stepping outside of the normal logic that we do.
So let me walk you through this. Okay, this client posted in our unnaturally conscious leadership group. She said that she had just been offered a type of partnership with a woman she is a ghostwriter, and is also a copy writer. And she has this woman who has this extremely big project. This is a woman of a certain age and who was interested in working with her on this project. And the and her comment was originally that she felt like she was being taken advantage of because the woman had offered her a sort of partnership deal on something that doesn’t exist right now. In other words, the woman has this beautiful idea she’s really working on what she wants to be a total movement, and she came to my client to ask her for her copywriting services and rather than saying, hey, I’ll pay you this much. What she ended up saying to her was okay, if you do all of this copywriting for all of this work that needs to be done in order to get this project off the ground. I will give you x percentage.
Pretty standard. I mean, we hear this all the time. The problem is that for this particular person, in her past experiences, many of the partnership models that she’s been involved with have not been a project necessarily where she and the other person were working on an idea and the idea sort of started to take form and they decided to create some kind of partnership model, but more somebody who has some work that needs to get done for their own personal project for a project that they were really interested in. And then they come to this person seemingly to hire them to do copywriting or ghost writing of sorts, depending on what the project is. But instead of offering to pay them, they say, Well, this is going to be huge. So therefore, I’m going to give you a royalty, I’m going to give you a cut of the profits I’m going to and they use very a amorphous language you know, I’m going to give you a cut of something and you don’t actually know what So originally, the client had come to the conversation to say, hey, what would something like this really look like? But in the end, kind of when we got into the discussion of, you know, do you take things off of the profit? Do you take things off of the net? Or do you take it off of the gross? Or what does this even look like? What is this include? What could it be? We realized very quickly, that this client was actually really frustrated because what she felt like was happening was that this woman was saying,
Hey, I’ve got a great idea for something I want to do. And I want you to do the work for it, but I don’t want to pay you. And this brought a lot of a chorus of feelings that ended up coming up in this conversation was actually quite interesting to watch. I was actually sitting back most of the for the whole first part of the conversation and I was listening to them a whole group of them saying you shouldn’t tell this you should push back on her and you should tell her that what you really need to do is have her pay you in full and you know that you’re not here to do these services and my my client who was you know, kind of really frustrated because she felt like she was she was being asked for the umpteenth time to give away her services for free. And it was really interesting because then there was this one dissenting voice and one person in the group that was proposing a completely different way of looking at it where she was saying, Well, why don’t you just do this anyway, it’s the possibility of a partnership. It’s it’s, you know, a type of a mutualism and, you know, and she kept asking her like, what she just kept asking her to look at the project as she was like, why are you think seeing this? As maybe this woman really wants to bring you on board? Maybe she really wants to have you as a partner. And this created this interesting discussion with most of the group feeling very cheated. So you can tell that this is kind of a common And this doesn’t just happen in the world of business.
I just want to add this and this is the reason why I wanted to bring it here because this is a common experience in the creation of partnerships. The creation of partnerships tends to be some times where even people with well intentioned you know, ideas around it tend to come and try to create some partnership and not understand really why what what could work and what can work. But what ends up happening is that one person ends up feeling very much taken advantage of and this can happen in all kinds of different projects, whether we’re even talking about a marriage, or we’re talking about a business project or whether we’re talking about some kind of volunteer some kind of other project that you’re working on. The idea that somebody comes to you and asks for you to do something with compensation that will come in the future based on some criteria.
Over time ends up being resentment because you’re doing work. Without really seeing what’s going to happen. And in this particular case, which is I think the case for many of the people who get into this. It’s not again, the creation that these two people have and they’re both putting skin in the game but what’s ending up happening is that one person is asking the other to sacrifice themselves and and and then the one part on the other side that was trying to interpret sort of the natural way of looking at a thing saying, no, no, no, no, what she’s, you know, what if you were to look at this, in this sort of natural way, what if you were instead to think of this as a different business model as to think of this as the possibility for new creation. She was really trying to be positive, where the others were sort of ended up getting into what their their fears and their their judgments and their need, and you know that this person didn’t really want to pay her didn’t respect her so all these sorts of emotions started to come up to the surface that were about respect, that were about judgment.
They were about safety. They were about feeling free to be and do things the way that you want to do. And I was sitting there at some point I just stayed quiet as I listened. To them. And when they finish, when they all kind of took a breath, I sort of stepped in and asked them like what are all these assumptions based on? Like you’re talking about judgment that she you know, is judging your work as non worthy and that’s why she doesn’t want to pay you even though she did offer you a royalty. You’re saying she doesn’t respect you because if she respected you, she pay you up front, rather than making you wait. Your own feeling of I’m sick of giving things away for free because I feel like that’s not creating safety and security in my own life. So I’m not getting my basic needs met. And then I feel like I have to continue to work for this person if I’m doing it for a royalty even if money is not coming in and so my royalty is not coming in. So I feel kind of trapped in all of this. I feel like I’m I’m not respected. I am you know, definitely not getting my needs met. I am feeling constrained.
So all these aspects and I’m like, where are all these assumptions coming from?
And this was a place for us to reflect and really look at our plant nests right the the and I pushed it into the idea of plant nests. Because when we started to talk about these assumptions, we started to realize that a lot of this was about different elements up to kind of different elements that I really want to talk about today. And this is the reason why I wanted to bring this one element is about your basic needs, right? The fact is that this particular person didn’t feel like her basic needs in her life are being met in relation to this project. And therefore, there is kind of this triggering effect where you don’t feel safe ultimately you fear like it brings up a sense of fear, fear of not being respected, fear of not being of not having your, your needs of fear of, of not of not of not of not of not so she was saying I’m not going to give this away for free anymore, but that really wasn’t the essence of the problem.
The essence of the problem was that this project in the way that it was being presented to her did not fulfill her basic needs. And rather than looking at it from the perspective of a plant, which is what do I need in order to get my basic needs met? What is it that I need to create instead of being a basic needs that she started she got focused and the group got focused on the lack so the group ended up getting stuck in the idea of the lack of what’s missing, not from the perspective of how do I solve it, because it didn’t fulfill your basic needs. And so therefore, our humaneness sort of came up and started going ah fear, fear, fear, fear, fear, fear, fear, fear. And so, the other side of it, which was the one dissenting voice, good intentions and on a better track because it wasn’t fear based, but started to go towards the idea that well you should just accept this because there is a partnership that’s being offered. To you and mutualisms are always better and the fact that she’s offering you a royalty means that a Mutualism is going to come into play. And that’s not exactly the case either because, although there is a first ditch effort for a mutualism there are very specific categories for creating from a natural perspective from from a Nate what the way nature creates mutually beneficial relationships. There are very specific criteria and those criteria were not being met as it is. So these two elements were hitting and conflicting, so much so that none of the advice that was being given was good.
The advice around feed into your fears and say no to this project right away because this is a project that you’re just giving things away for free because there’s no respect because there’s no safety because there’s no this because there’s no that is not the right answer. And the other side of it, which is say yes to this project, because you need to be hopeful of the future and this creates a partnership and it should be beneficial because you’ll eventually get paid is not correct either because it’s missing the basic categories and the basic criteria necessary. So I really want to go into both of these and sort of to look at them of how do we approach these differently when we step deeper into our own planets. And we start to understand ourselves and we look at this as an as a as a plant that’s walked into or walked into, that was funny. Sorry, as a plant that is exploring a new landscape in which to expand it to an ends up hitting a landscape that maybe has a use the example of something that is a future potential when there’s a rock in there, and maybe that rock is made of some mineral that is super helpful for the plant, but that rock is in a form that the plant can’t access directly. So therefore, the plant has to make a decision as to whether or not to stay in that vicinity to move in the area of that rock. Because eventually that rock will in some ways and we’ll talk about how will in some ways create nourishment for the plant or does the plant say No, I am not going in that direction because that nourishment is inaccessible to me and therefore it doesn’t fill my basic needs. So we need to look at how would a plant evaluate whether or not the minerals that are inside of this rock are actually useful to me or how can I get access to them or how do I create the conditions because remember, plants create the conditions for life. Plants would be able to say how do I create the conditions that allow me and ensure me that I am going to get a benefit from this rock eventually. So this allows you to approach the situation not from a you’re trying to hurt me I’m not giving anything away for free anymore. Right so stay away from me and type of thing perspective but more from a What can I do in order to make this mutually beneficial? But before I explain how to do that, I want to take a moment to share with you one of our Eco conscious business partners.
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Okay, so first and foremost, I want to approach the situation of the basic needs.
In order for us to understand whether or not we can get into any kind of partnership doesn’t matter whatever that partnership is, we have to understand where we are in our current needs. And therefore based on what our current needs are, ask for what it is that we need. This is going to play into the criteria relating for a mutually beneficial relationship. But first and foremost, you have to have a much a deeper understanding. Again as if this plant that’s that’s sitting in a specific this plant that is routed into a specific area, and there is a direction I can go to that has a rock which has a future potential payoff, versus an area where I could keep exploring and hopefully eventually I’ll come into some food service that is you know, accessible to me right now. So which direction to I go. Now if the plant has an immediate need for that mineral then the plant cannot go in the direction of the rock because the rock we know is not an immediate need.
Unless of course the plant already consents that there is some kind of mineral being leached out from the rock in enough of a dose in order to get you where you need to go. Okay, so if you can get enough of a dose to tie you over to tie those basic needs, then it would make sense for the plant to say okay, this is still a viable opportunity. In the case of the client that I was talking about. One of the discussion points that I that we ended up having and having a conversation around was what are the basic needs if she needs to have net met? Does she need the project to be paid in full right now? Based on her personal needs? Or can she have a portion of it paid upfront and another portion of it coming based on the validity of the project? But all of this needs to take place only after she decides whether or not her survivability in other words, her viability in life is actually compatible with the future results of this project.
In other words, if the rock that the plant has explored has a mineral that is not accessible, even even if it were to get processed in some ways leach out from the rocket from the rock that the plant would still not need that because it is not a resource that is useful to the plant in any which way shape or form. So if that rock is not providing a useful source, even in the future, then the plant should never go in that direction. So the first and foremost question that my client had to ask herself was, is this project that my client working on? Does it Fulfill my desires? does it connect into my values? does it connect into my life purpose? Does it take me in a direction either professionally or even personally that it feels rewarding? It feels like something that I want to go into? If the answer to that question is no. Even if the deal that they’re offering you is super interesting. It’s not for you. You should not go in there because ultimately it is not going to nourish you. It is not going to be to be a project that you’re going to want to participate in long term. It’s not going to provide the type of nourishment the type of minerals the type of of assurances that give you that that are give you that peace of mind that what’s the right word I’m looking for?
Yeah, ultimately, it’s not going to be something that’s going to fulfill you that’s the word I was looking for, therefore not worth it for you to go into that direction. If instead the project aligns with your values, the project is taking you in a direction that is interesting to you. It’s either because it’s a challenge or because it’s something you have been wanting to do if it fits in in some ways to your life purpose that’s connected to some passion that you have, then that that gives you the first signal that says okay, let me continue exploring. Then the second one is what are the basic needs that I need to have met? Right not from a place of fear but from a place of actual need in order for me for me to be able to work on this project in a way that makes sense and is comfortable to me. So in the case of you know the rock if this plant has an absolute lack lack of this mineral, and this mineral is not accessible at all to the to the plant right now, even though it could be accessible in the future. It’s not worth it because the plant would not even make it to the future because the plant would die first. The plant needs to find a viable source of this mineral right now. So therefore the person in this case my client needs to say is there a certain amount of money that you need to get paid upfront?
Because that is your basic need and that is what you need to be connected to first and foremost before you could give any kind of additional support to that. Do you see the difference there? It is a subtle difference, but it is one is this aligned with me and two, is this giving the needs that I need? Like is it offering me a way for me to get my needs met. Now if my client was having tons and tons of other clients right now, or didn’t have any kind of need economically, that she could actually go towards the royalty deal that was being given by that woman? But if instead she’s in a place where she’s like no it would really be helpful for me to actually have a payment or even if doesn’t have to be even because I need the money it could very well be in order to put to create a better relationship between us. So getting paid some portion of it and in the at this time, and then the rest real world royalty is not always about the money remember your basic needs, whatever makes you feel safe, could be respect, it could be mutual, mutual risk, it could be many different things. So you have to evaluate what is the nourishment that you need in this particular case? I say this because it’s easy for us to think that this is a money thing. It’s not always a money thing.
Sometimes if I’m working with a brand new client, them giving me an advance or them paying me a portion and then me may be investing in their project long term is a way for us to both risk a little it’s a way for both of us to show that we respect each other’s time enough and that we’re going to be both in active participants in this, which is the other piece because if you don’t feel like there’s a relationship that is reciprocal, then you’re not both going to grow from this and that’s the other element that is extremely important. Are you going to grow from this? So one, do you have the means in which to accept because what the deal is and if not, how do I modify that so that I get whatever my basic need is? And then I can give whatever I have extra from it. And the other piece is it how am I going to be growing from this long term? So am I aligned?
Am I getting what I need short term and long term and then looking at the long term, and then also how am I going to grow from this going forward? Like these are all the elements that are necessary for you to create a mutually beneficial relationship what is called the mutualism from the natural world. There are several elements involved in this and these are the main ones. So it’s really important for us to look at creating those mutually beneficial relationships by using our voice to express what it is that we need. So she by expressing us to the group ended up you know, having this big conversation, but then she had to express it to her client to say okay, wait a minute. My basic means is that I get your project I get your vision I can get behind your project and your vision. It aligns with my project and my vision, but I need to know that you’re as invested in me as you I am in you. Therefore I cannot work for just a royalty I need you to pay me when we do projects a certain amount and then I will take the rest out in a royalty because that way I know that you’ve invested in me just as much as I’ve invested in you and we are both going to be want to grow from this. I’m going to improve my writing around your specific topic. You’re going to improve the overall need for writing and you’re going to be putting things into it because you are spending money on me and then we all have the benefit of whatever comes from it. The other part is making sure that the exchange is extremely clear. So getting really clear on what are the details what is how does this work and making sure that we have all these elements because anything that stays fuzzy, anything that stays out there will breed mistrust and that will not create that mutually beneficial relationship. mutually beneficial relationships from a natural perspective are the ones that are most long lasting.
Now if these elements are not in place, that doesn’t mean you don’t work with the person, you just create a different kind of deal for example, a commensalism you know, or you create something where one person is having a massive benefit and the other one is just is not or you create something else where somebody consumes somebody else’s content, or can consumes their their resources, like a prediction or a parasitism, and those are all great too, but they’re short term. In other words, my client would not be creating a long term relationship with this person. Where she’s invested in their future. She would take care of the deal. She would create lots of little relationships where the person consumes her services, and that’s great for her. I mean, that’s a perfectly viable way of doing it. It’s totally useful for her to be able to do that. aspect because that really helps her create the kind of safety that she particularly needs. So think carefully when you have a reaction to somebody offering to create a partnership with you or to not think that they’re just trying to take advantage of you but more importantly, that you haven’t thought about the conditions necessary in order to create a mutually beneficial relationship. And the next question should be can I create what would it look like for me to create a mutual beneficial relationship from this? If I can get these four criteria in place? Wonderful, I should go and do it. If I can’t get these four criteria in place, I should not do this at all. And this is something that I detail by the way these exact criteria. So if you really want to have these criteria, understand what are the four main criteria for creating a mutualism sign up for blooming sprouts in the naturally conscious community and go check out reconnect with the plant kingdom and also the plants inspired masterclasses because this comes up as a recurrent thread in various different masterclass episodes.
The reason why is because there’s lots of ways for us to uproot. For us to apply it for example, I just talked about the exact way that you would apply it with a rock and you know, looking at the plant rock relationship and how does that exactly work? There’s lots of other ways for us to apply it not just with projects, like I said that are business related, but also projects that are of other nature’s or other sources. Even our own relationships with our family members can be mutualisms, or they could be something else. And again, always the something else has a end of life. There is a short term, and then there is a long term and there’s lots of little swish shifts that happened. So blooming sprouts in the naturally conscious community so that you can go see all the modules of reconnect with the plant kingdom and also the plants inspired masterclasses is the place for you to go for you to get all the details that you want. And you never have to scream to yourself. I’m not giving this away for free. Now I’m going to create a mutually beneficial relationship so that we are all winning out of this or if not, you know, maybe you just won’t give it away for free. Who knows? We’ll find out. The other thing is you also have access to me in order so you to ask me any of these questions because again, these are not necessarily always so straightforward. When we’re applying our plant logic. We need to really sit into the idea of thinking like a plant and that sometimes takes a little time. So head on over to gardenia.com/ncc the naturally conscious community and go and choose blooming sprouts and you will have everything that you need in order to understand how to create these brilliant relationships.
All right, I want to hear your thoughts about what we talked about. I want to hear what is your your experience been like when you’ve been trying to create relationships? And has it always been something easy for you to create mutually beneficial relationships or do you feel like there’s just something missing and they end up getting lopsided somehow. So leave me a comment or better yet, just join the naturally conscious community. And there is where you can find this supportive ecosystem to help you talk through these types of situations in collaboration with the plant world. So until next time, remember to resist the urge to hold back your evolving green brilliance. I will catch you in the next episode. Bye.
Thanks for listening to this episode of reconnect with plant wisdom, Intro and Outro Music by Steve Shuli and poinsettia from the singing Life of Plants. So join me to give you like our Dania and my plant collaborators next time on reconnect with plant wisdom
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Ancient and modern knowledge from biology to spirituality about the wondrous ways plants help you lead a Naturally Conscious life.