Ep.80 Generations of Programming

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Hello, Hello, everyone! Welcome back to another episode of reconnect with plant wisdom. It’s me Tigrilla Gardenia.

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Oh, okay. I had a friend over the other day, who was helping me with a project. Upon my invitation I gave her a vague I don’t know if you can hear that, but there’s a giant chainsall. I’m just warning everybody, in case you can’t hear it. There’s a chainsaw outside of my window. It has been going all day. I cannot. I have no idea when they’re going to stop, and I kind of need to record. So if you can hear the chainsaw my apologies to you, it’s very frustrating. Trust me. Okay.

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I’m trying to keep going. But it’s this is what happens when you record, and you have to be kind of honest to what’s going on in the thing. So my friend came over the other day, and this is really what I want to talk to you about. And I gave her a really vague description of what I wanted. So when she got here, we started from that description, we started kind of talking about the different things that I had asked her, and then ended up, like we always do, going into this super deep discussion about a very specific topic.

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and at 1 point. In the middle of this she says to me, Okay, let’s stop talking about this and focus on what you need.

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And right there I realized she had fallen, trapped to one of the many conditioning fallacies, true fallacies that plague our growth

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and a new podcast episode was born. So this episode is dedicated exactly to this question. This is episode, 80

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generations of programming.

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Welcome to reconnect with plant wisdom. I’m, your host, tigrilla, gardenia, nature inspired mentor and leadership coach in this podcast I share ancient and modern knowledge from biology to spirituality, about the wondrous ways in which plants can help you lead a naturally conscious life.

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Let me explain the trap my friend fell into, and why I thought it was so important, and it ended up bringing into this podcast episode.

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I asked her to come over here to help me make some videos

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in addition to the podcast and the live plant, consciousness, commentary. I do every week, by the way, have you checked out my live plant consciousness commentary? It’s over on Youtube and on my website. Of course, I would like to start creating some shorter video content

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really not easy for me to express my ideas. In short, blasts, as you’ve noticed already. It takes me a while to sort of

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get what I want to say clear. And and that’s why I work so much with the plans. I don’t try to rush myself anymore and try to make it into short snippets. I’m just not made for that, so I wanted some help from her to help me flesh out my ideas. She’s somebody that I know. I can always go into a really great conversation with, and in this conversation pull out threads that I had hoped would turn into shorter form content.

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So we started talking about the technicalities of things. We started to look at things like ring lights, because I have various the setups, the setting. How I would move the content. Because if you’re watching me on video, you’ll know that I sit here. This is at my desk with this view, but I wanted to switch views without kind of making it cumbersome in my own, you know, in my own workspace.

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And here the conversation kind of got

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actually went off on a really really good note, at least from my point of view. So I was telling my friend about the topics I wanted to work on, and we got into this very intimate conversation about some things that are happening in both of our lives, and we were working without her realizing it. We were actually working through my teaching and my coaching, using our own personal experiences. And I’m

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when and you know, when she and I speak I oftentimes will like put on and take off different hats. Sometimes I’ll take on. And she was somebody who was an initiative. Domin her. She is no longer. She’s chosen to exit the school, so sometimes I’ll put on my Dominhurian hat. Sometimes I’ll tell her I’m putting on my coaching hat, and I’ll like coach her through something. Sometimes I’ll put on my teaching hat, and sometimes it’ll just be like me who you know any friend. I’ll tell her what I think she should do, and

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tell her to stop being so. Whatever you know, she does the same back to me. She is a professional astrologer. She is also a reader. She has an immense amount of experience in many different content, or topics or areas of study. I don’t even know what words I’m looking for right now. And so we go back and forth with these multiple hats on.

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It’s very easy to get theoretical. And then, you know, she’s somebody that I can take a theory that I’m working on and kind of have this sounding framework and and start to apply it practically.

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And I know what I teach works because I see it every day with my clients right every single day when I work, and I sit down with my clients, I get to put into practice whether it’s in the naturally conscious community when I am doing one of our group programs, or even posting something, or when I’m sitting one on one in a mentorship and coaching scenario.

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But sometimes I have this sort of cutting edge thinking when I’m putting

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into new work, like, I’m really thinking about it in a new way, and she is the perfect. Go to person because she’s a person that I can go there with. I can tell her, or try it and experiment it with my own life as well as with her life, because we know each other for so long and so well.

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But once we go deep into the weeds.

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It’s like, you know, we’re just going to go there. We’re going to go into it. We’re going to go as deep as possible. So in this particular situation. I had invited her over to help me with something. I was vague, because in my mind I had a few different ideas, and I wanted to see where they would play out, and she kind of started to panic. When we went into the weeds. Her fear took over her education from her parents. And if you can’t see the video, I’m putting that in air quotes

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from her parents and other narcissistic relationships she’s been in have taught her that focusing on her because we were applying things to her particular situations.

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is wasting other people’s time, a common

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experience that I have with people where you feel unworthy. And therefore, when somebody is helping you, that’s not like a paid professional, or you’re talking too much about yourself.

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If you’ve been in narcissistic relationships and have trauma. You feel like you’re wasting other people’s time, and you need to stop. You aren’t supposed to bother other people with your problems. You’re supposed to focus on them. So rather than ask me anything.

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she just all of a sudden, you know, like she didn’t ask me, hey? We seem to be going off topic, I think, from what you originally asked me for, should we switch gears, or is this conversation serving any purpose for you right now? Because I know you invited me over for something. No. She immediately made the decision that she was wrong, and tried to change the subject.

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and so she quickly like at some point stopped. And she’s like, Okay, stop

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we need to focus on you.

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And I started to laugh.

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And she was like, Why are you laughing. And I’m like, because I see this type of conditioning every single day the idea that you need to hold yourself back or keep your true feelings inside of yourself for fear of bothering someone for making them feel bad, being a burden, or whatever feel bad emotion somebody has taught you, and I’m like, and and I said worse. You were taught that because we were talking about you that was impolite.

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that if you talk too much, and, by the way. We are both from similar cultures, you know. So we have very similar upbringing in the sense that you know we both have Hispanic parents. We come from from these country of origins where we have these. So I understand her teaching very, very well. And I said, I’m assuming that you think you’re being impolite that if you talk too much about yourself, you’re being rude, and that there are, you know.

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sure, with girlfriends you have certain exceptions, like a really bad breakup or something really, really, really bad that happens to you that allows you to break down. But after a while you have to stop yourself, or you feel like you’re supposed to stop myself, because when it comes to the daily grind, whatever it is, whether it’s winning and feeling like you want to celebrate something or frustrations or processing most of the time. You’re taught to keep it all inside, and I’ve seen this so many times to the point where

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these walls go up, and you don’t even realize that the wall has gone up. You don’t realize that you’re holding yourself back from entering into a relationship, or, more than that, you’re not allowing the other person to make a choice. You’re making a choice for them. She didn’t stop me and say, Hey.

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is this the conversation you were expecting? Should we change gears?

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She assumed that it was not the conversation that I was expecting, which, by the way.

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it totally was what I was expecting and what I needed so but so she ended up

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cutting it off.

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and

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that led when I said to her, and and when you know, I started laughing, and then we started talking. And I’m like, what if you tried something different? I said, what if you tried to ask me whether or not it was useful.

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so she asked me, and I responded, and I said, This is extremely useful, because it’s exactly what I needed. I needed to process through my cutting edge, thinking to also see if I could break it down into bite-sized chunks for the videos

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and also to help me, replan future podcast episodes, new teachings that I’m having some webinars that I have coming up different aspects like that.

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And I said, So do you know why you do it.

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And she sat there and she thought for a while, and this led to a really great conversation about the generations and generations and generations of programming that we have

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all of these things, that our parents, our friends, our educational system, you know, think, are polite, or the way you do things the right or wrong, especially when it comes to communication and relationships.

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And this took us into another deep dive, which was extremely useful where her 1st question to me was.

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What would a plant do like? Why does a plant not fall trapped to this? Besides, the fact that we could get off on another subject relating to whether or not plants feel, and they have the feelings in the way that would cause some of this stuff. But for a second, let’s not even go there. Let’s just go to the mechanics of it.

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And the difference is that

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plants have

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ways that they do things. But at the same time that way that they do something is always a trial.

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In other words, when I think about etiquette, when I think about being rude or polite. I feel like I am taught that there are specific rules. The rules have these connotations. This is how I carry them out, and this is what they are period.

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Oftentimes we don’t take into consideration that every culture has different rules, and therefore my rules in my house with my family might not apply. When I move to a different culture. So if I go live in another country, for example, the way that I set the table in my house that is considered polite and good etiquette. When I set the table here in Italy that way I am considered rude. I’m considered uncultured because I don’t know how to set a table.

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But I do know how to set a table. I just have a different set of norms in order to do that. But the cultural programming teaches me differently. I come from a culture that says a lot of please and thank yous. And without please and thank yous, you’re considered rude. The Italian culture that I currently live in implies, please and thank yous into the sentence, and does not use the word please and thank you.

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The Italian equivalent, obviously, but it doesn’t use those types of words a little bit, thank you, but not as much as I would use it in both my in native English and my native Spanish. So therefore I thought of them as rude when I 1st came here, and those are just simple examples. That kind of you know, you could work them out after a while. But there’s a lot of examples that hold us back.

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You know, cultures and cultural programming where, as a woman, for example, I’m supposed to behave in a certain way. I’m supposed to talk in a certain way in my upcoming well, upcoming from the time that I’m recording this. But by the time you listen to this

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the webinar would have just passed my befriend your limiting beliefs so you can do things you once thought impossible. Interactive webinar, I talk very clearly about certain things that I went through in the workforce where my upbringing or my way of being and my my skill set clashed with what was the expectation of a woman’s behavior. And so, therefore, I was acting

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in a way that wasn’t congruent with what my! With the expectations of how a woman in technology should act, and therefore

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a limiting belief got created and started to block my talents and go listen to the webinar. It’s really, really great because it explains this in really detail. But the point being is that in the human world we create norms as if they are hard and fast rules, and therefore they become conditioned programmed responses, which is really funny and ironic to me.

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because the scientific world declares that plants don’t think that they don’t have minds that they don’t possess the ability for critical thinking because they operate based on

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set programs. But in my opinion. And in my experience it’s the complete opposite

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plants have a program. Maybe, you know, if the weather turns this way over the course of 2 weeks, you can start to Bud.

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but if then they start to have a cold snap depending on how that works, the plant records that cold snap tries to adapt, and either is able to adapt in that one season, or programs that in to give that information to the next season, and therefore adapts the way that they behave for the next season. In the case that the temperature starts to rise, and then it starts to fall again. And there’s other kinds of changes.

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We humans instead will

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learn something. Etiquette, norms, politeness, education, facts.

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anything.

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When we come up against the fact that

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something has changed, and therefore it’s not either true or it is has been modified. We fight that

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you’re wrong because I learned it this way, and what I learned must be correct. My parents taught me that I set a table correctly this way, therefore you’re rude. Therefore the problem is not that we have different modalities, and that we can learn from one another what were the benefits of one versus another. We are actually taught to think of the other as wrong and ourselves as right.

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and that even means we’re sometimes taught to always think of ourselves as wrong in the case of what was happening with my friend, where talking about herself

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was considered wrong, and therefore she put a wall up immediately, because she thought she was doing the right thing for me. So she put a wall up to the conversation. We were having tried to switch gears because she thought she was being rude and was being disrespectful to me.

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But we could have had a conversation about that.

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The point I’m trying to make very in in inelegantly. So I think

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because it’s 1 of those topics that’s just so subtle is that we have generations of programming that do not allow us to open to honest conversation.

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We have rules and norms in our minds that have been taught to us, by our schools, by our certifications, by our parents, by those that we respect.

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that make it so that I find it hard to be real with somebody else, and to admit when I don’t know something, or when I have questions, or when what is happening is different than the expectations I might have.

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and therefore it makes it very difficult for us to feel comfortable in the environments that we’re in, unless the environments behave exactly the way that we expect it. And this is why we might seem like we’re either control freaks or completely out of control. Very rarely are we in the middle, or are we able to flow. But we’re not able to flow because we can’t adapt. We’re not flexible enough.

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because none of that conditioning and those generations of conditioning in the case of politeness and of cultural norms.

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Am I ever taught that those can change? But before I keep going, let’s take a quick break for one of our eco-conscious business partners.

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I want you to have the same experience as I do for all of my podcasting needs. And it’s time to share your story.

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Never did my parents sit me down and say, I’m going to teach you how to eat with a knife or fork in this way.

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But just so, you know, one day in the future you might live somewhere where they eat with a knife and fork, or maybe not even with a knife and fork. They might eat with their hands, or they might eat with chopsticks, or they might even eat in a completely different way. And therefore

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what I am teaching you is your point of entry, but never be afraid of changing that point of entry based on what it is that your experience.

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Learn how to read the room, learn how to feel into your body, learn to be okay, asking what’s right or wrong, and, more importantly.

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never judge somebody doing it different than you without 1st having a conversation.

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Why do you do it that way.

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because, if not, if my parents would have done that the 1st time I saw somebody eating with their hands, I wouldn’t have thought well how gross and rude.

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How like uneducated and uncultured, I would have said, huh! I wonder what are the benefits of eating that way? And I would have learned that there are certain types of food that there’s a humongous benefit in eating it only with your hands.

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or, you know, eating with chopsticks.

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It sounds like such a simple little thing.

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but it becomes much bigger when we go into experiences or into different scenarios where there are multiple people from multiple different cultures.

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and especially in relationships, which is where we ended up going in our conversation. I’m going to do a whole series of different podcast episodes, because

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she was reminding me of all the different relationship types that I have learned from the combination of my work with plants and with my study into the spiritual ecosystem which is directly related to plants, because really it is the plants that have been able to hold the memory of many different types of relationships

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that we, as human beings have lost. We’ve we’ve kind of, but I’m not going to go there because that’s a long topic, and it’s super interesting. And I want to give it its due respect. But the point being is that in order for me to host these relationships.

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I have to get to the place where I am comfortable enough

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to see my conditioning

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and respect what I was taught, especially when it comes from generation after generation after generation. That’s something that maybe you know my great grandparents held, or that my own cultural norms held. I want to be able to respect that. There was a reasoning why that came into being.

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But I also want to feel

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comfortable enough in myself that I could doubt whether or not it fits into my modern life, and whether or not keeping that cultural norm

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satisfies or nourishes my current evolution.

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In some cases it might, even if I don’t like it, but it still might. But there might be some experiences that it doesn’t, and that’s what a plant would do in an ecosystem. A plant would 1st try

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what they know, what they have also learned from generation to generation. But if the conditions are different now from when that norm was put into place.

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then the plant will adapt to the new conditions, testing out different scenarios, the plant will seek out from whomever it is that they’re interacting. What are those new conditions? And how can I make this work

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in the environment that we currently find ourselves in a plant wouldn’t sit there and say, No, I always grow straight up this way. Therefore I’m going to keep bumping into you because you’ve taken my space.

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A plant might do that at first, st but then they’ll start to be like, okay, there’s no space there, because there’s another plant that grew there first.st So even though I normally grow with trunks that are completely straight.

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I’m going to angle my trunk and we see this all the time. Right? We see trees that do this. I am a chestnut tree that usually has a super straight trunk, but right now there’s a oak tree that’s branches have grown in my way, and therefore I am going to have to lean my trunk over and go around the branch.

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What’s the problem with that?

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What is the problem in that chestnut tree expressing their needs? Sometimes you see, chestnut trees merge into the oak trunk? If that makes appropriate sense. But other times they’ll go around.

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And what’s the problem?

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Key

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has found what is most adapted to that particular situation? And we need to learn the same. We need to be able to recognize our generations of programming. We need to see them as if they are books written in front of us.

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and respect and thank all the generations that carried them out, while at the same time feeling

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again safe enough to ask ourselves, Does this norm fit today.

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It could have been that there was a time

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I don’t know, because I wasn’t there where certain types of oppression on women made sense for the culture.

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It definitely doesn’t make sense today.

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It doesn’t.

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It doesn’t because we know so much more. Biologically speaking, ethnographically speaking, we know so much more about who we are and what we’re looking to build in the world. So it doesn’t today. But it might have. So we can respect. We can respect the norms, not the norms, the reasoning from which it came from what was the origin as in why.

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and then, assuming that that y is still

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still something that is useful in today’s culture. We can then say, How do I fulfill that? Why, today.

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while still respecting the environment in which I currently live in the social, political, cultural

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today that I experience.

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And so we need to introduce doubt in a positive way into our culture. Today, doubt has only been used as a negative tool. It has. We haven’t been taught to work with doubt in order to

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free ourselves from the chains of our generational programming, and instead welcome in the new conditions and learning how to adapt to them.

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And this connects a lot to what my last episodes you know, my last 2 episodes have been where I’ve been talking about, and with my guests also about what is it that’s happening? The flexibility that we need to have if we are going to adapt to our rapidly changing world. But that rapidly changing world isn’t just changing physically. It’s also changing emotionally and spiritually

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and psychologically and culturally, there’s so many different aspects. And so, therefore, we want to be able to adapt while still staying true to our roots. And hopefully, this is making sense, because again, now you understand why I struggle to do short, firm content. And can you hear that? Can you hear that?

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That’s not a chainsaw anymore? Now they’re drilling into something.

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By the way, there is no construction going on where I live. I do not know what they’re building. I’m going to go outside after this and figure it out.

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but it’s so frustrating. But see, there we go! This is a great example of an adaptation. I could have not done the episode. I could have put myself out and, like done the episode late late at night, because I have a whole series of meetings coming up now, and therefore I wouldn’t have been able to do it until late at night. And I said, No.

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I am going to adapt. I’m going to introduce this situation into what I’m doing. I’m going to share it with you because I don’t need to be neither ashamed of the fact that this is happening. I don’t need to feel like I’m doing anything wrong. I am bringing to you what is going on, and I’m incorporating it into my life. I’m introducing the doubt of should I record? Should I shut up? Should I give space to it? Should I ignore it and pretend

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this is? These are all the questions that I go through. But it took a lot of deprogramming on myself.

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on the fact that I was taught that as a woman you’re supposed to do things correctly and as a professional, this is what it means to be professional. And here’s the little professional box, and it says you have to do things this way and that way and that way. I had to deprogram all of that, understand the root elements that I still value today. What are the values in that that I want to keep. For example, I do want to be professional.

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but to me it is professional to share it with you, to open up to what is happening, and the noise that’s going on here, and my own doubts about whether or not I should do this episode to me. That is a form of professionalism. I shouldn’t whine about it. I’m not bitching about it. I’m not telling you that they’re doing anything wrong. I am sharing with you what is going on, because I do think that it’s an important thing to happen.

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So this type of generational programming that we have is important for us to stop and recognize.

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and then from that recognition.

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pull out the values.

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the the goals. Why was it formed? What is the need? What is it being. What is it protecting? Why is it put in place? Then take my own values and

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compare them. Okay. So here’s what this was trying to accomplish. Is that still important to me?

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This is why it was put in place. Is that still important to me? Here are the values that that goes to protect are those values still present for me? And then based on whichever one of those is a yes.

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say, okay. This is the old way of doing it based on these values, these goals, these needs.

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Now today, these goals, these values and these needs are the ones that are still relevant to me. Now, what is the best way for me to obtain whatever it is that this did. But in a modern context.

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how is it that this helps me become who I need to be today

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without me falling trap

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to the old programming and conditioning just because it was given to me and taught to me that way.

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But while still bringing forth the lessons

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and the goals and all of the experiences that could be still useful to me in the future, so you don’t throw everything out. You pull it over into a modern context and again, then starts the fun part. You test it.

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You test it in your ecosystem. I’m able to talk to you about the noise, for example, or I was able to have a good conversation with my friend about her own programming, because I knew that the thing I had to work on the most based on

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who I am and what I wanted to be was my language and my communication. I had to take out certain words that naturally flowed from my mouth, because that’s the way I was taught to speak, and I had to introduce new words that allow me to express complex. Often

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often

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troublesome or critical, is the word. I often use situations, but in a way that reflects the nonjudgment I have about it. I needed to pull all my thoughts of right or wrong out of it, because that’s not useful to my thinking. It could be useful in other situations. There are other situations where right and wrong in a categorical way is necessary, but it’s not necessary in most of what I do. On the contrary, what’s more useful to me is.

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where did that come from?

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And what were you trying to accomplish? And how do we find a better way for you to accomplish it in this specific situation. And, more importantly, from all of that, how do you learn how to evaluate your situation so that you can apply these principles to anything you do.

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because that’s really the ultimate goal. I want everybody, whether it’s my friend or my clients or my students to feel comfortable enough in themselves that they can apply these principles, and that might even mean asking questions

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in any situation that they could either be able to evaluate the situation, or that they learn how to evaluate the situation, and that they feel comfortable enough in their own skin to say, Hey, I don’t have the answer right now, because I’ve noticed that this goes against my programming, and since my conditioning has taught me to do it this way, and I don’t really think that that’s the right way to do it, but I don’t know the new way to do it. So let’s talk about what works.

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And so really you might not use those words. By the way, those are my words. But I’m just saying, like the actions.

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how it is that you apply this for your own life. That’s really the ultimate goal. And that’s really what is the beauty of an ecosystem. It’s all the trials. It’s all the I’m going to try this and see, and if it works, then I’m going to keep doing it that way until it no longer works, and when it no longer works. I’m going to try something different. And that’s really the goal. If we want to step out of conditioning.

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we need to get to that place the place where I can do something in a certain way. But I’m always aware. And I’m looking at the feedback loop. I’m looking at using that life’s principle from biomimicry. I’m looking for the feedback loop that continues to tell me, is this the right way to do it? Is this the best way to do it for right now, and the moment that that feedback loop says, Hey, by the way, that doesn’t work.

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then evaluate, then you go into a period of evaluation, to understand what has changed in the conditions should I change? And if I should change, what is it that I should change into? And, by the way, whatever they’re doing down there just got even louder.

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like my whole table is shaking.

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I wouldn’t doubt it if they’re like. I don’t know.

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I don’t know what they’re doing. I’m so now I’m like, Okay, we’re going to wrap this up really quickly, because now I’m going to go downstairs because I’m so curious as to what it is they’re doing hopefully. In all of this I have made sense because my curiosity is taking over.

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But I really just wanted to come in and say that these, these, all these different generations of programming are not wrong. By the way, it’s not always a bad thing. It’s a bad thing when you lose sight of the why

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and the values associated with it, when you no longer understand the goals and the why it was created in that way, and the values that you’re trying to embody. Then you have a problem, then it’s better for you to reevaluate the entire thing. But until then it’s

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if you have that, then you’re going to always be able to put it into a modern context. You’re always going to be able to take whatever it was that that programming was and apply it and adapt it to a current situation. And that’s where flow comes in.

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That’s how you create flexibility. That’s how you create resilience. That’s how you create sustainability. All of these things come from your adaptability, your ability to adapt certain situations like certain goals, certain whys and certain values

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into modern context.

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And when you do that.

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man, life gets a lot easier, really, actually, because it becomes a lot more fun, too, because now it’s all the. How do I apply this to the life that I want to be living

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so hopefully? That made sense for you? Because I’m yeah. That’s really the heart and the goal of what I wanted to bring to in this episode. I just feel like it’s so important. I hear it again all the time, and

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and I hear from people all the time the fact that you

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you just you just struggle like you struggle with trying to say things in a way that sort of steps out of

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your own

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right or wrong, and allows you to truly express who you are today.

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who it is and what it is that you believe in. And you feel today

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so hopefully. That gives you, you know, a little bit more insight into how a plant would actually approach this different situation. Okay, so just remember, our generations of programming are not necessarily bad.

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If we remember the why.

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the why it was created, what goal it’s trying to fill, and the values and principles in which it was created on. And therefore you can adapt that to whatever it is that you want to create with your own life.

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So hopefully, you enjoyed this episode, and it makes sense. And I look forward to seeing you next week.

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Thanks for listening to this episode of reconnect with plant wisdom, intro, and outro music by Steve Schuley and poinsettia from the singing Life of Plants. So join me, Tigrilla Gardenia and my plant collaborators next time on reconnect with plant wisdom.